Brains, Blood, Boomsticks, & Broods

Nope. No misspelling here. Sars Wars is a riotous zombie epic from the opium rattled mind of Thai filmmaker Taweewat Wantha. Well I made the opium part up, but when you watch the movie you’ll see why. Sars Wars has no problem poking fun at itself or Thai culture in general. That said, our (being the group I watched this with) collective experience of Thai culture ends with peanut sauce and a comment Rob made about “transgender capital of the world” (though unconfirmed, played an important role in the film). All those parenthetical remarks are me trying to say: if you have any experience with Thai language or culture this film probably triples in satisfaction, and we laughed the whole way through.

The film was exciting because you had no idea where it was going to go (see opium). The kills were original, the characters were slapsticky, and there were even some really nice camera angles. More than a movie Sars Wars felt as if you were watching filmmakers have a good time and they also happened to be good at it. It was schlock as schlock was meant to be enjoyed.

The only thing that kept this movie from being over the top perfect was  the language barrier. Flipping back and forth from the subtitles to the action created a lag in a couple of parts, but nothing to scare you away from picking this one up.

What it had: Mascot Homicide, Battery Operated Light Sabers, Men in Women in Men in Women, creative use of iron (see above), fast zombies, excellent costumes, zombie snake

What it doesn’t have: a long spoof of Star Wars (thank you), over explanation, overextended personal epiphanies, Hugh Grant

Go see it!

4.5/5 virus laden mosquitoes

Apropos to it’s title I started this one at the correct hour. To say I wasn’t expecting much out of Midnight Movie would be an understatement. It has the canned acting that you would expect from a first run B-grade and carries with it the expectation the characters will explain the plot to you like a kindergartner tying their shoelaces for the first time.  And though it never blew me away, it never went into the trenches of my expectations. In fact there were even some subtle contexts that if you weren’t paying attention might fly under the radar.

The premise for Midnight Movie is a group of characters watching a movie that a supernatural psychopath uses as a portal to enter the “real” world. So really you’re watching two movies. The acting and filmmaking of the movie the characters are watching is actually a lot of fun. Secondly, it’s pretty much an outright homage to Texas Chainsaw Massacre and manages to poke fun using a reincarnation of Norman Bates as Mrs. Bates (at least that’s how I saw it).

I’d be hard pressed to say there is anything scary about the movie, and the lack of character development meant there wasn’t much lag time. The infamous screeching metal sound that seems to infect modern horror movies is the only audio effect at setting the mood. (Though arguable more homage than effect). The kills are pretty generic once you witness the first one, as the killer always uses his “custom crafted” spiral of doom.

Overall it was a decent time, but I think there was a lot of potential here. In other words they could have made it smarter, and after watching Midnight Movie I felt the director was capable of it. Unfortunately they didn’t take it that far, but fortunately they didn’t stab me in the eye with what they were doing either.

It had: fun special effects, stereotyped characters, Liver soccer, plenty of plot holes, a decent ending, an opportunity for a sequel, and plenty of campy excitement

It doesn’t have: too much explaining (thankfully), a thriving independent theatre, a way out, or a detailed backstory

I did watch this one alone so I don’t know how much laugh factor was there, but it did keep me awake until 1:30.

2.5/5 shots to the body

Well there is one thing for certain about Audition. When you’re finished watching it you won’t have any question about Takashi Miike’s relationship with women. And if you managed to catch Imprint from the Masters of Horror series you’ll be certain of these adjectives: elusive, cruel, vile, vindictive, manipulative, primal, torturous, and methodical. Not exactly Hallmark’s words of the month for their Valentine cards, and they probably won’t get Gloria Steinem’s stamp of approval either. However they paint a violently vilifying and visceral portrait of tortured souls in combat for the validation of their perspective.

It would be degrading to call this the Fatal Attraction of our generation. However, I’ll admit to initially making the comparison. The complications of the female character run deep and to say she is a multidimensional character would be an understatement since we are left with so many question about her past. (You can tell we didn’t have a b-grade movie night by the fact we’re even discussing character development and plot). And the male lead so desires her to be who he wants her to that he looks past all the clues that point to a suspicious past.

However, this blog isn’t about dissecting movies. It’s about fun, campy, and sometimes crappy. Audition probably didn’t hit any of those categories. It was interesting, craftedt, and included moments of head turning visuals. I’ll say it: Audition most definitely does not meet the parameters of schlock. However it did have it’s moments, where if your sense of humor is twisted enough you’ll find yourself laughing. It’s definitely worth watching, but not when you’re looking for campy, light plot, easy to follow. Audition is developed and involves a fair amount of attention (subtitles included and necessary).

It has: flying feet; ingenious prosthetic feet; sharp wires; a continued needle fetish; edible vomit; dinosaur pickup lines; “deeper, deeper”; hallucinogenic, telepathic, body-numbing scotch additive; and another reason why asian horror is more twisted than American horror

It doesn’t have: a fast pace, a disclaimer about harming animals, correct use of acupuncture points, a perceptive main character, or a reason why that man (you’ll know) hasn’t starved himself to death

3.5/5 bound bags or piles of VHS tapes (your choice but make sure you only love one)

“They find your best friend floating in a vat down at the sewage plant”- From the song Corruption by The Swimming Pool Q’s

Why start a movie review with a song quote? Especially with a lyric that doesn’t have anything to do with the film? Well let’s start here:

The Swimming Pool Q’s rock this movie along.

The campy twistedness of the lyric sums up the film quite well.

And the reason your best friend is floating in a vat down at the sewage plant is probably because Alymer at their brains.

Elmer (which seems to be spelled this way in the credits, but Aylmer by one of the characters) is a villain you love to love. Who wouldn’t want a stop motion, brain eating parasite, that drugs you into sedation at the drop of a hat, sends you into LSD delusions, and is can hold out for food longer than you can over your Delirium Tremen’s? If that doesn’t sound trippy enough, don’t worry, it goes further.

What’s really great though is that Henenlotter doesn’t get caught up in the “special effects”. Though there are several stock cuts of the Elmer’s black, needle tongue dripping with the blue fluid that so many crave they’re fun to watch. And in some weird way oddly seductive. Hmmmmmmmm…. What he does do is manage to work a plot into this pile of drug crazed hallucinations. The plot keeps the movie at a nice clip and  produces scenes that are scandalous even by today’s standards. Dare I say there’s a moral? Possibly.

You really can’t go wrong with this one. It even teeters on the whole zombie genre at times. It’s definitely a crowd pleaser, but has moments to drive anyone to their “Oh wow.” moment including: an amazing eighties band, a homoerotic shower scene, back alley head, a torn girlfriend (no not literally), the drug addicted elderly, cat brains, decent acting, a DVD option to play the whole movie with only the music soundtrack, and Aylmer or Elmer as he prefers

What it doesn’t have:  Dracula, King Kong, Frankenstein, or Werewolves other than that Henelotter put it in here

Brain Damage was a tremendous amount of fun. Frank Henenlotter, the director, manages to do an extraordinary amount with very little. He’s no stranger to schlock with such wonderful films as Frankenhooker and Basket Case in his archives. Brain Damage was certainly no exception. Go see it, drug free.

4/5 puke ridden undershirts