The Breed (watched 12/24/09)
It’s certainly been a while since I’ve added to the collection of “movies” we’ve watched, however that doesn’t mean I haven’t been watching. No. In fact, as kids everywhere were hunkering down in dreams of what they would wake up to the next morning I was fighting to stay awake through The Breed. As a result of that movie and the next two I have to warn you away from I’m beginning a new crusade for 40 minute schlock.
Don't fall for the poster. It's not this exciting.
Here’s why:
The difference between schlock and crap is a very, very fine chemically fluctuating line. However, it does exist. The Breed fell solidly on the wrong side of that line, and no amount of shifting it could change that. The Breed had a budget, but lacked heart, inspiration, good kills, any interest in it’s characters, or anything fearsome or unpredictable about it’s Cujo wannabe’s.
It does take a lot of extra time to try and explain the two brothers relationship and their car. Similar to many other movies that fail on the same grounds it keeps adding words where it needs action and blows it’s budget on getting the crew to the film location. It is light on gore, and doesn’t deliver on suspense. I can’t so it’s the worst movie I’ve ever watched or am about to write a review on, however my desire to stick with format supercedes my desire to skip the next portion of the review. So here goes:
What it’s got: Angry puppies that belong to angry dogs, who are genetically experimented on, “highly” intelligent, and pissed off; trust fund kids; old actors playing college kids; way too many minutes spent on bikinis, drinking, and mixed up relationships; something with Wes Craven’s name on it
What it needs: The first half hour cut down to 4 minutes, the next half hour cut down to 10 minutes, and the last half hour cut to 26 minutes.
I know I sound excessively critical for a two brain movie, but it’s not bad enough to be good either.
2/5 chewed ropes
Brains, Blood, Boomsticks, & Broods 
Leave a comment