Rob Zombie’s Halloween (Watch 1/23/10)
Everybody I know has seen this movie. In fact I dare so almost everyone I know has seen multiple Rob Zombie movies. Saturday was my day to lose my RZ virginity. So I went rogue, leaving schlockfest to suffer through some unseen crap on Wednesday and had what I would argue was a most enjoyable experience. All the recommendations had left me with high expectations, which inevitably left me skeptical, especially given the lofty and legendary standards of the original. (You have seen the original right? Of course you have, because you wouldn’t consider watching a remake without seeing what was so worthy of being remade. If for some reason you haven’t, watch it first. Unless of course you’re some sick individual who would watch Spiderman and say you know Sam Raimi.)
What’s really nice about RZ’s Halloween is that you know he’s a fan. He’s not just a director with an ego and a checkbook. He gets the genre (at least here) and gives the fans what they want. What’s successful is that he approaches Halloween as part prequel/part remake, and even though he clocks in at 110 minutes he makes every bit of it worthwhile. You’re lured into believing Michael Myers’ past exists even amid the leaps and cliches. A word of caution is that I was able to completely divest myself of the original when watching, however if you do a head on comparison you’ll be sorely disappointed.
Given the high production value and the resources that were used it can hardly be considered schlock, but RZ’s Halloween is definitely worth a watch* and maybe even a few high shrilled screams.
*I realize this review sounds like gushing by a newly enamored viewer, however, it’s not without it’s flaws. There’s just nothing to really keep you from watching unless you’re squeamish.
What it has: Homage to horror (Silence of the Lambs, Halloween), boobs, a view into Michael Myers childhood, breasts, sister love, female pectoral muscles, the infamous knife, John Carpeneter’s theme music, traditional stereotype roles (reluctant sheriff, the doubted psychiatrist, dumb redecks, dead fornicators, angry stepfathers, etc…), scenes where a bra is removed, crucial scenes from the original, and a really kickin’ van
What it’s missing: plausible escape scenario, development of the subplots, a lot of gore (thankfully), pot smokers, a reason we should care about the picture of Michael Myer’s eyes, and an explanation for why they would have sex in Michael Myer’s house when he owns that amazing van
3.5/5 paper mache masks
Brains, Blood, Boomsticks, & Broods 
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