Brains, Blood, Boomsticks, & Broods

This movie made me nervous, in two ways. The first time I was nervous began after a really amazing opening that left the whole group in awe and laughing at it’s twisted nature. For the next twenty minutes I feared that somebody had copied Sisterhood of the Traveling Cave Dwellers on the DVD, but then the movie began and so did a new type of nervous. Seldom does a movie (especially of the caliber we watch) succeed on such a high level with it’s setting.

wait for it.....

Much like RZs Halloween has you question why you’d have sex in a imprisoned serial killer’s house, The Descent makes you think caving is the stupidest idea since Russian Roulette. The movie is uncomfortable and claustrophobic, which was voiced by schlockers multiple times during the viewing. The scenes are dark, the spaces are tight, and it translates really well for the viewer.

You must be warned that there are about 20 minutes early on that don’t further the plot and  only leave you on the edge of you’re seat if you’re trying to imagine the winner of the pillow fight that never happens. My thinking was that they were attempting to reach the almighty 80 minute mark and this was the fluffer to get there. However, it manages to hit the unwieldy 100 minute mark of schlock so I’m not sure who this segment was supposed to appeal to, as none of our varied demographic cared  about whether Suave or White Rain smells better.

What it had: Albino fanged cave dwellers, ice axes (when caving), bad sense of direction, foreshadowing, tensions over an affair, blood bath ode to Carrie, many reasons to enjoy life on the surface, copper pipes, lots of stupid decisions, compound fractures, and were those mammoth bones?

What it was missing: pillow fights, an exit strategy, a sensible use of battery life, and Sigourney Weaver (no way those freaky, fanged albino would have feasted that long)

In the end  there was plenty of blood and the movie finished really well. The Descent wasn’t perfect, but it was definitely a good time.

4/5 phosphorescent rocks

This entry was posted on 02/10/2010 at 15:55 and is filed under 4 Brains with tags American Horror, B-Grade, Blood, Campbell, Campy, Chainsaws, Cheesy, Comedy, Demons, Directors, Flies, Fucked up, Fulci, Fun, Gore, Graphic, Grave Digger, Guns, Guts, Headless Corpse, Horror, Japanese Horror, Knives, Machetes, Massacre, Monsters, Movie Reviews, Movies, Nightmares, Raimi, Romero, Schlock, Sex, Silly, Special Effects, Strippers, Tequila, Transgender, Troma, Undead, Vampires, Virgins, Zombies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.