The Burrowers (watched 3/3/10)
Schlock is conducive to creating an adage about high expectations, and The Burrowers served as a prime example. Well the first thing is: it certainly isn’t schlock. However, we adjusted, switched mindsets and hunkered down for what was a highly recommended flick. All of us in the room, mind you, are not only horror fans, but Western junkies as well. What could be better? Last week: sheep meet zombies, this week: John Wayne takes on the undead…
... but she's so cold, pa.
Except it didn’t really come together that way. It was the quietest schlock night we’ve had in a while. There wasn’t a tremendous amount to laugh at, the scares were nonexistent and the cinematography was there, but nothing amazing. When it was all said and done and the credits were rolling Jude summed it up best with”It was a mediocre western, a mediocre horror, and the sum of it’s parts was less than…” Less than what?! But like the wise sage that he is, he had already disappeared before we could ask.
If you think it’s a flick for you: you’ll get just as much enjoyment out of it by yourself as you would with a group. Save it for a night when you have nothing else to do.
What it has: racial tensions, people on horses, people underneath the ground, people on horses riding across open fields, people in uniforms chasing people underground, evil people (mainly the one’s on horses, in uniforms, chasing the people underground), native people, and finally that “oh shit, you showed us the monster moment”
What it’s missing: some singularly badass protagonist that makes it a western worth watching; aliens; spaceships; a cool reason for the burrowers other than the tired, cliched one we always get; a Penelope Cruz intermission
As you can see there was nothing here that blew us away, and there was really nothing to hate. All in all we were just a bit indifferent.
2/5 translation errors
Brains, Blood, Boomsticks, & Broods 
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