Brains, Blood, Boomsticks, & Broods

“Water slides, there’s nothing sacred to this monster.”

Chainsaw Strippers

An anal raping, maple syrup gorging, parallel universe travelling, self mutilating father fucker of a film. Yup, that about sums it up right there. Father’s Day was a glorious Troma train wreck. Your car is stuck waiting to get over the tracks, but it doesn’t matter because there are bodies, limbs, chainsaws, and in this case, a lot of bloody cocks popping out all over the place. The acting was atrociously, wonderfully tongue in cheek. However,  99 minutes after the moviestarted I’m not sure any one of us could have given you a linear synopsis of what happened, and it wasn’t because of the brownies.

Penis slicing

If I remember right, and I could definitely be wrong, Lloyd Kaufman shows up towards the end as god. His emergence into the film pretty much cements what he has come to think of himself. (His intros to these limited release Troma’s need to die like strippers with chainsaws). And so most of the film goes attempting to make fun of just about anything that’s been established in any genre from Horror to Drag Stars to the Catholic Church. Now that I think about it the greatest blasphemy committed in this priest murdering, penis splicing, demon filled flick is Kaufman’s cameo. Did I mention the killer is named Fuchman?

If I were watching this garbage disposal full of glorious goriness by myself I’d start to have a lot of questions about what I was doing with my life. As a party movie it works it’s magic though. I can’t say we give it the full seal of approval as it needed to end at exactly 65:50, after that point the insanity just spins too far out of control. Well really, it became as boring as some demon seeking, demon fucking, demon exterminating, suicide solution drag artists can be, and believe it or not it gets tiring.

If you’re still reading this blog there’s probably nothing I can say to stop you from watching this “film”. Just set your expectation-o-meter to Medium and you’ll be totally happy. I hear drinking helps too.

After further contemplation I’m giving it a bump up to 2.8/5 glowing eyes. (This will round it up to the 3 brain category)

What it has: a bear, Fulci style eye-ecutting, poison berries, false ending, FUCHMAN, 34 extra minutes of movie, Maple syrup, possessed priest, a tome that looks an awful lot like the Nechronomicon, and a Maple tree tap

What it’s missing: Jason, Freddy, and the Loch Ness Monster

Drink of the evening was created and named:

The Fuchman

2 Parts Espolon

1/2 Part Cointreau

1 Part Lime Juice

1/2 Part Crissy’s Ghost Pepper Simply Syrup

Finish with Ice and Seltzer

(Add homemade grenadine for the bloody version)

This entry was posted on 05/28/2014 at 14:37 and is filed under 3 Brains, Should've been 45 minutes with tags American Horror, Anal Sex, B-Grade, Blood, Campbell, Campy, Chainsaws, Cheesy, Comedy, Demons, Directors, Father's Day, Fulci, Gore, Graphic, Guns, Horror, Japanese Horror, Movie Reviews, Movies, Raimi, Romero, Schlock, Sex, Silly, Special Effects, Strippers, Transgender, Troma, Undead, Zombies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.