Happy New Year, and here’s to hoping that Monsturd isn’t indicative of what we’ll be watching for the next 12 months. This was a big night. We were saying goodbye to Gamera, aka Lindsay, we welcomed two new schlockers to the group (well until they watched this), and the highlight of the evening was an argument on whether Monsturd or The Mad was a worse movie. I hands down believed this one was worse. Jake said that due to budget and cast the letdown of The Mad made it worse, but I swear in the background Luke was muttering to himself “why? why do I come?”
There’s really not a lot to say here. The monster was actually kind of nice, however the rest of the movie was shot like a porn minus the sex. There were sparse sets, locations that made no sense, and dialogue that played out like actors who were more concerned about being fluffed than intonation. That said, aside from the quote on the cover from Rue Morgue advising to the contrary, this movie wasn’t something I expected a lot from. The only real question it left me with is: who the hell did the director know to get this thing on Netflix On Demand?
I’ve read some reviews that say it moves beyond potty jokes and poopy one liners. However, when one of the central characters is Jack Schmidt (as in “You don’t know Jack Schmidt?”) and one of the final scenes involves diapered heroes I can’t say that it does. The movie did have a few opportunities, but it never went far enough. The diapered heroes are still wearing pants. Why? The Turd monster actually looks really good, but it’s only on screen for a sum total of 20 seconds. Why? You could have made a really decent 25 minute movie, but it’s 80 minutes long. Why?!
I’d suggest watching the trailer on youtube. You get the gist minus the lost minutes of your life.
What it has: a ten year old narrator, flies, poop, pepto bismol, the ability to keep people from coming back to schlock night (in Jude’s words: This movie makes me want to mark your email address as spam)
What it’s missing: a reason for me to write anymore about it
.5/5 refillable tequila bottles
Brains, Blood, Boomsticks, & Broods 