Brains, Blood, Boomsticks, & Broods

I’m still not sure where to start. I’m actually still not sure what happened last night. I know we started this movie. I know their remake of “Glory Glory Hallelujah” as an opening number had us laughing. But about they time the lead actors took off on motorcycles against a tie dye background it gets a little fuzzy. In fact I’m pretty sure this may have been a CIA attempt at hypnosis and subliminal thought implantation. At the end I was scared. I looked over to find one friend perturbed that his nap had been disturbed (running theme) and the other trying to figure out how he had just been violated.

His mouth agape in abject horror. He said “that movie was like the dirty condom you wake up to find hanging out of you.” Was it consensual? How did happen? It even made you wonder if your bed was actually your bed. This movie had an assortment of everything: Lesbian witch covens, devil preachers, angry elvises, dildo of the Armageddon, and stereotypes of parodies of stereotypes of real life.

Were we entertained? 2 /3 of us certainly were. Could any of us tell you what the movie was about or anything that happened? No. Absolutely not. And if I could I probably wouldn’t tell you, because really, there are no expectations to have for this movie.  It was written by it’s producer, director, and main actor. It’s credits were shorter than a rolodex entry. And surprisingly it succeeded in inflicting more mental trauma than Martyrs, even though Gory Gory should be rated PG-13.

Can I recommend it? It’s a niche movie for sure. And if you do drugs (lots of them) it would probably make it more interesting… though it may permanently affect your mental state. But in the end, yes, there were zombies.

2.5/5 Corkscrews to the Penis

Add pimp to the title and then it really would say it all. The synopsis can be read here, but you really don’t need add much else to the title to get the plot. We held a zombie and stripper event for this night (unfortunately not as action packed as we’d hoped) with a double feature of Zombie Strippers. Hands down this was the better movie. Most likely the entire movie was shot in one night, possibly all on the same tape. But it has character, and that’s worth something when you have 10 people to laugh at it. The most memorable character has to be Johnny “Backhand” Vegas the “heroic” pimp that goes around, you guessed it, backhanding all the zombies. Unless you’re a big Emanuelle fan you probably won’t recognize any of the actors, and even if you are you may not. It’s low budget there’s no doubt, and it certainly won’t make any appearances in your Feminist Literature class, however it has all the feel of a couple of peeps who really love the genre creating. Strippers Vs. Zombie has heart, but not that stupid RomCom silly fairy princess heart. Just ask Johnny. If you have the sense of humor and a lively group it’s worth the stab.

Writer’s revelation: I was reading some of the reviews of this moving and people were faulting it for: having pink blood, using the word “strippers” to sell the movie, and an overall low budget. 1)If you have a crappy budget, you have a crappy budget. It’s not your fault. 2)If you’re special effects are going to suck you might as well make them really suck… as in pink blood 3) If you expect a movie to be good because it has Boobs, Strippers, Cocks, or sex in the title… well I’ve got some bad news for you…

Rating: 2.5/5 Backhands

Bruce Campbell has a well established seat in the B-Grade hall of fame. His chiseled face defines hero as much as his ability to say boomstick with a straight face. If there was a zombie crisis there’s no one you’d rather turn to except maybe Max Brooks, except Bruce has shown us how to kick ass not just told us. Really in our collective apocalyptic minds there could be nothing better than a couple of fringe teenagers seeking out Bruce to do exactly that in real life. (That’s the premise for the movie). The budget for this movie is there. And if you worship Bruce there’s plenty of inside jokes to keep you going. However if you haven’t seen Evil Dead then back away from My Name is Bruce and add Maniac Cop to your stack while you’re at it. What isn’t in the movie is a horde of zombies (only the monster Guan Di, who has a catchy theme song that will stick in your head) or a chainsaw. FOR THE LOVE OF BRUCE… how do you have a Bruce tribute film (what this truly is) without a freakin’ chainsaw?!?!

We certainly had a good time watching My Name is Bruce. I would have to say though, if I was going to throw it in again I’d probably reach for Army of Darkness, Evil Dead (1 or 2), or even Bubba Ho-Tep first. Maybe Sam Raimi’s return to our side of the fence will bring about another collaborative classic…

2.5/5 smoking boomsticks (If only because our expectations were so high)