Would you go out with me?
Irish Horror. ef ye kin fechin rid theis than yer off ter a gurd sturt. Yup. I’m not sure if we didn’t get to our bottom of Redbreast fast enough, or we just should have had the subtitles turned on. Though I don’t think it would have mattered. Sometimes two good people meet for a date, but the chemistry just isn’t there. I think in some ways the movie tried to explain this aspect of life. I’m not sure though, the dialogue in the many, many, many, many, many scenes of the man and the woman talking was a little choppy. It could have been the accents or possibly J.E. talking about teabagging his cats. The latter was way more interesting.
Now I’m not trying completely write-off The Grabbers. The monster is incredible CGI with a pulsating orifice that drips an invitation, and lures you closer to the screen before it extends it’s tentacle, reaches through, and pummels you over and over until you’re breathless. And just when you though it might be out of energy, it picks you up and takes you for another round. Did I mention it looked an awful lot like vagina dentata with legs? Jake said it was a Kraken, but I agreed with Pat when he said it looked like a cream pie.
At the end of the night the schlockers rated this between a 2 and a 2.5. Most of the disappointment came from it feeling like an almost complete homage, which didn’t lend anything new to the genre. I mean sure you kill the monster by having a high BAC, but everything else felt like a really nicely budgeted PG-13 mashup of Aliens, Gremlins, Shaun of the Dead, and Jaws. In theory that sounds cool, but it fell flat for us. Like I said though, it may just not have been the right movie for us. “It’s me, not you.”
As a relevant side note: in our very low brow opinion there’s no room for romance in a horror/monster/schlock film. Nobody watching cares if they get married, have babies or live happily every after. Characters romantic proclivities should include: drinking, fornicating, drugs, slaughtering, or talking about any of the above in a way that makes us laugh. For the love of schlock: Did Bruce Campbell get sexy by talking about the meaning of life? NO. He fucking chopped of his hand, attached a chainsaw, and used a boomstick to kill demons. He didn’t get sober and promise someone he’d make a good dad. Okay, sorry. I’m done.
Allright I’m torn. The group was a low 2. I’ll give it:
2.5/5 fecks, but I’ll put it in the 2 and 3 brains categories because I could see it having a soul mate somewhere.
What it has: great effects, lot’s of drinking, obsessions with alien eggs, a reason for a sequel (sigh), lots of romantic overtures, alien face peeing, cream pie alien, alien longing for alien, and some abominable fake drunk acting
What it doesn’t have: a dog, a translator, rewatch value, good alien luck (allergic to alcohol and you crash land in Ireland), marijuana (just beer and whisky here), a reason why it goes after people when there’s a whole fucking ocean full of good prey (on second thought they may have talked about it, but I didn’t hear), an explanation for aliens (thankfully)
Brains, Blood, Boomsticks, & Broods 