Brains, Blood, Boomsticks, & Broods

Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. Ummmmmm…. Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. Ummmmmm…. Chomp. Chomp. I’m not even sure where to start with this movie. The director (who does a video introduction) doesn’t even know what to say about this movie except, “I forgot I even made this movie until I saw something about a pirated copy on a message board.” I would say it’s actually more akin to watching a two head lizard eat an earthworm. It’s not right, but somehow you just can’t look away.

To start with Death Bed: The Bed that Eats is not for the faint of schlock. The director blew his entire ($30,000 in 1975) budget shooting it on 35mm film and acid. Oddly though, there was something alluring about the subdued performances (read bad) and metaphorical? special effects (blood and urine errr… food coloring). If it’s starting to sound like a student art film, well… I’ll leave that up to you.

That said it’s not a movie you watch. It’s a movie you throw things at, talk over, insert your own monologues, and if you haven’t fallen asleep laugh like hell with the people who are still awake. (3/4 of us stayed awake the whole time. 1 of the remaining 3 dozed, a lot, probably do to beer.)  Don’t watch it alone. If you do make it through the movie and start explaining it to people, you’ll have a lot more explaining to do.

For instance there was: a red eyed demon, fried chicken, a prolonged dragging of legs, lame pickup lines, teleportation, reincarnation, tentacle bed sheets, lots of yellow foaming (bile?), unlawful groping of breasts and preorgasmic sweats

There wasn’t: screaming, a reason it should have taken 5 years to make, the death of cute fuzzy animals, or a bottom to the bed

This movie was a great divider of the group. Residing firmly in the middle we agreed to disagree and redraw the lines of schlock. It was presented as a going away present for Schlock Member Ben. In honor of our wayward friend heading West we rate it in accordance with the befuddlement we all felt at the end.

?/5 self igniting fireplaces

This entry was posted on 10/22/2009 at 16:35 and is filed under ? with tags American Horror, Apocalyptic, B-Grade, Blood, Campbell, Campy, Chainsaws, Cheesy, Comedy, Demons, Directors, Flies, Fucked up, Fulci, Fun, Gore, Graphic, Grave Digger, Guns, Guts, Headless Corpse, Horror, Japanese Horror, Knives, Machetes, Massacre, Monsters, Movie Reviews, Movies, Nightmares, Raimi, Romero, Schlock, Sex, Silly, Special Effects, Strippers, Tequila, Transgender, Troma, Undead, Vampires, Virgins, Zombies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.